Wednesday, February 2, 2011


My cousin Jennifer is on a weight loss journey. I have become her sensei in this journey. She texts me what she is planning to eat and I approve or deny it. I offer suggestions. I chastise her when she chooses french fries over a side salad. I encourage her when she doesn't. I try to walk a fine line between encouraging and hard-ass. I think I channel Jillian Michaels a bit too much.

She is really struggling with the food thing.

She said to me "I'm starving".

I told her "no, you're not".

"1200 calories isn't enough food", she complained.

"It's plenty of food", I responded, getting a little frustrated. "If you make the right choices".

Later that night I was talking to Sara about it, telling her how hard it was for my cousin. "Was it that hard for me?, I asked. "I don't remember it being that hard".

"Well of course not, babe, you don't care about food"

"I don't?"

"No, if you didn't have to eat, you wouldn't", she responded. "It would be cereal for dinner every night".

That's true. Food is fuel. It's something I put in my body to make it stop being hungry. Don't get me wrong, I do like to go out every so often and have a nice meal. And by nice meal I don't mean a fancy shmancy expensive meal, I'm wayyyy to cheap for that.

I love Bonzai burritos from Wahoo's. I enjoy the Turkey Burger at BJ's. I like pizza and beer with my sisters. But yeah, if it's just a once a month or once every couple of months thing, I'm fine with that. I like to go out just for the social interaction. The food is secondary. I just don't care that much.

Eating is a comfort thing. When I am depressed I want to eat comfort food. Which for me is anything my grandma used to make. It reminds me of her and makes me happy that she taught me to cook. I only make grandma's meatloaf. If you don't like ketchup on your meatloaf, too bad. That's the way grandma made it and that's the way I make it. I do use turkey burger now, and I'm likely to add veggies to it, to make it more filling and less fattening. I also bought (I mean Santa brought me) a special meatloaf pan where the grease drains out the bottom. Eating can still be a comfort and healthy at the same time.

Like pasta? Healthy it up, use turkey burger or no meat at all, add veggies to the sauce, I use spinach, mushrooms and zucchini in mine, that way you get filled up on the veggies and tend to eat less of the pasta. Try the low carb pastas. If you can stand them. I can't. So I eat regular pasta, just not a lot of it.

I have a rule. It's number one on the list. It's Jennifer's do or die by the hand of Sherri rule. NEVER, EVER let fried food past your lips. EVER. This doesn't mean you will never eat a french fry again. Just not right now. Not while you are on this weight loss journey. You want it to work? Put down the fried food and run away!

Rule number two: If it's fat, it will turn to fat. So put down the mayo, the ranch dressing. Say no to butter and thick sauces more than likely made with butter. I have a thing with cheese. I don't eat it. Why? Think of it on nachos. When it's all melty and gooey and GREASY. What do you think that grease is doing? Going straight to your ass, taking up residence in your thighs and mocking you with it's gooeyness. Screw you cheese, I don't need you. And if I do eat it, I'll take a string cheese in my lunch. It's made from skim milk, it's fun to peel it and gives you something to do to trick your mind into thinking you are eating a lot.

Rule three: Sugar is bad. Bad, bad, bad. I avoid refined sugars, like the kind found in donuts and cookies and pie, and, and, and, yeah all that good stuff. Natural sugars can be bad too and are found in really good things. But come on, you just can't avoid ALL of it. I tried. I truly did. But dammit if I don't get at least one glass of milk a day people will die! 

Rule four: Carbs are evil. Plain old evil. Like straight out of the devil's ass bad. They suck. But they taste so freaking good. Keep them to a minimum. That's all I can say because I just can't NOT eat carbs. I eat pita with hummus almost daily. I use sandwich thins for my veggie burgers. I try not to eat toast. Try. I love me some carbs. But I don't sit down and demolish a whole loaf of french bread with butter the way I used to. So, see progress?

I could go on and on and on. I'm kind of obsessive about what I do and don't eat. I've loosened up a little lately, but that doesn't mean Jennifer can. Oh no, she better put that candy bar down. I'm watching you Jen!

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