Wednesday, December 29, 2010

10% of nothing is still nothing

I'm really, really, really bummed today. I heard some very upsetting news. I read somewhere that the fact that we only use 10% of our brains is a myth. A myth! Supposedly as in NOT TRUE. Which really upsets me because my whole life I have believed that if I could just tap into that other 90% of my brain I could totally master telekinesis. I've lain in bed staring at the light switch willing it to move just because I want it to. I've concentrated REALLY hard. I even wiggled my eyebrows. I figured it would just take time. I'm in my 40's now, I figured this has got to be the year I start using that other 90%, because pretty soon I'm going to swing in the opposite direction on my downward spiral into senility. Then, when I am old, bald and drooling there will only be maybe 2% brain function left. So obviously, this is the year.

But then, I heard the news. It's a myth, a hoax. I'm checking snopes, because obviously we can't be using our full brain power. If we were, cars would fly and not need fuel, we would only have to work from home and then only 2 hours a day. My robot Rosie would be vacuuming my house as we speak and there would be peace on earth and joy to man and all would be well in this world. Because everyone would have super-brains, so they would be smart and smart people invent stuff, and win Nobel Peace prizes and they don't cause wars or kill people - well except, obviously Evil Geniuses, but this isn't about Lex Luther, it's about my heart break!

I'm going to go practice moving things with my mind now.

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